Birthday Surprises: When A Little Sneakiness Doesn’t Hurt

My husband turns 80 today.

That seems so odd to me.

Not just that particular milestone, but the fact that this marks 20 years since our friends helped me keep one of the biggest secrets ever.

In 2005, I decided to invite 60 relatives and friends to one of Tom’s favorite restaurants for a surprise party:

A Raleigh institution: The Irregardless Café:

I realized it made more sense to have the party at another destination than to try something at our house, where it wouldn’t have been possible to keep the surprise for long.

(I’m sure that our cats at the time, Moo and Doctor Gray, wouldn’t have been thrilled being kept behind closed doors for several hours.)

Creating the invitation was half the fun.

While Tom was out in the garden or volunteering in the community, I would riffle through boxes of old photos and slides from long before we met. A few went back to his childhood. (He didn’t have many pictures of his early years due to a fire at his family home.)

I scanned 60 of them to create the invitation.

I had friends and relatives send their RSVPs to the house of our friends Debbie and Rob and provided stamped, self-addressed envelopes. Those who couldn’t make the party were encouraged to write a note of congratulations and an anecdote to share.

Still working at the Raleigh newspaper, I asked friends in the photo department if they would scan high-resolution images for a poster-sized card. Off-deadline, they printed the photos on paper I provided them.

The photos also served another purpose:

Using my Mac, I created a slideshow of the images, set to Al Stewart’s “Time Passages.”

I thought about showing it at the party… but then thought I’d save it for later.

My mother and sister made plans to fly in and stay with us that Sunday night, returning to Florida the next evening.

I was working Tuesday through Saturday nights on the news copy desk, so their schedule meshed perfectly with mine. They would get a cab from the airport and come to the restaurant with Debbie and Rob.

The invitation, the slideshow, working with the restaurant on a menu – all of that was fun.

Keeping the secret was not. I looked forward to both the surprise and the end of the sneakiness, no matter how well-intentioned.

Debbie and Rob were great partners in crime.

Debbie casually suggested on Memorial Day that the four of us go out to celebrate Tom’s birthday. I casually agreed and told Tom it would be a nice way to give him a break from the kitchen. He was game.

That Sunday night, we pulled up to the Irregardless. As we got out, Tom said he was surprised it was open; he thought the restaurant wasn’t open on Sunday nights.

I didn’t hesitate to fib:

“Oh, this is their summer schedule.”

I walked ahead and saw a handmade sign that said “Closed for private party.” I planted myself in front of it and opened the door for Tom. He walked in to greet Debbie and Rob.

And then, as Debbie and Rob walked with Tom into the restaurant, dozens of friends yelled “Surprise!” while snapping photos on disposable cameras we provided.

For a second, my extraverted self felt guilt about what I’d done to my introverted lover.

No need to have worried.

He wiped away tears of shock, beaming and hugging dozens of people he wasn’t expecting to see. Some, he hadn’t seen in years.

We ate, drank and enjoyed one another’s company for hours.

As we headed home with my mom and sister – whom Tom now knew would be in our guest room – he said we successfully surprised him. He did acknowledge one moment, though, when he was curious.

He had been picking up Debbie and Rob’s mail while they were on a week’s vacation.

He thought he saw an envelope with handwriting that looked like his sister’s. (It was hers – she and her husband sent regrets, along with a great anecdote we told at the party.)

But he dismissed his observation and didn’t give it another thought.