On a Tuesday night sometime in early 1999: for yours truly, anyway, Prince’s When Doves Cry…
…hit Number One…
…once again:
That was the first song I ever sang at karaoke.
What I didn’t say was how utterly petrified I was.
I’ve always been painfully, almost pathologically shy. And massive stage fright went hand-in-hand with of of that. But I was bound and determined to DO this.
I’d chosen this song specifically because the main vocals were within my narrow range. And I knew from hours of practice that I could hit Prince’s high-pitched squeals and “hees.”
So when my name was called, I went up to the stage, and proceeded to sing the entire song.
With eyes closed, hands firmly in my jacket pockets, lips practically touching the mic (not recommended, from both a sanitary and sonic standpoint.)
Never mind the fact that this was a sparsely populated dive bar, and the only people paying attention were the four friends I’d come with.
Wasn’t gonna open my eyes.
And… I nailed the high notes throughout perfectly. Sweating and relieved to be out of the spotlight, I practically ran back to the table before the fade. But the ice was broken, and I put another request in. This time it was Crash Test Dummies’ Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm.
This time I managed to keep my eyes open (albeit fixed intently on the lyrics monitor) and my hands out of my pockets. But still with a death grip on the microphone.
The KJ doing the show was a guy named Jason, who happened to have a few other regular scheduled gigs, including a weekend engagement at a hotel bar on Clearwater Beach called Fanny’s.
(I’ll give our British friends a few moments to get over their giggles.)
One night after I’d spent a few weeks doing karaoke at Fanny’s, I hung around after the show as the equipment was packed up. I sort of followed Jason and a couple of his buddies over to the adjoining Waffle House.
Yeah, this was a real classy hotel.
I don’t think I said more than a few words, but through some sort of osmosis I ended up becoming good friends with Jason and his roadie Dave. During his karaoke shows, J would play music between singers to appease those who wanted to dance, but his music library was pretty much limited to a handful of Now That’s What I Call Music! discs. So I ended up supplying him with a bunch of home-burned discs on a regular basis, just to keep things current.
Over the next four years or so I became acquainted with the others who frequented the karaoke shows at Fanny’s.
🎤 There was married couple Greg and Lynnanne, who often brought along a beautiful service dog. Greg amazed with a spot-on performance of One Week (somewhere Tom Breihan is ranting); she stuck with dance songs like Madonna’s “Music” and ATC’s “Around The World” (laughing with the rest of us at the endless “La la la la la” lines in the latter).
🎤 There was Bill, who looked a lot like Kenny G. My female friend once asked Bill for hair advice.; His signature selection was Golden Earring’s Twilight Zone.
🎤 There was the petite stripper/dancer with a heart of gold Adriana. She kept her clothes on while wowing the crowd with Just A Girl and Hanky Panky. Bill and Adriana quickly became a solid couple; here’s hoping they’re still together somewhere.
🎤🎤 Then there were the two Eddies.
Eddie #1 was a guy in his sixties who pretty much owned Sinatra’s catalog, along with Englebert Humperdinck’s After The Lovin’.
Meanwhile, Eddie #2 would arrive with his trophy date, and “sing” (I’m being charitable, here) Enrique Iglesias’s Hero. And then the two of them would immediately head for the nightclub next door.
🎤A crowd favorite was Moms, a short elderly woman who would not-really-sing-but-just-kind-of-say-the-lyrics-loudly, but her song choices were the piece-de-resistance: I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll, Wild Thing by the Troggs, These Boots Are Made For Walkin’, and Bob Dylan’s Rainy Day Women #12 & 35 (aka “Everybody must get stoned!”).
She passed away one night on the way home from a show; at some point though I was lucky enough to duet with her on Should I Stay Or Should I Go? (her choice).
There were also a couple of oddballs who had decent singing voices, but would gravitate toward novelty/comedy. Leah sang You Sexy Thing in an odd falsetto (think Tiny Tim); Bob would do impressions of various Muppets while performing What A Wonderful World.
My close inner circle consisted of Warren (who had an amazing range; he sang Steelheart’s I’ll Never Let You Go one night and didn’t miss a note), Ginger (Torn, This Kiss), and my then-roommate Rob (Centerfold, Semi-Charmed Life, Ice Ice Baby).
And then, there was yours truly…
🎤 (meet-up here for Chapter Two…)
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This is awesome. Thanks for sharing it! My one and only time at karaoke (I did it for a newspaper feature our staff was doing on facing our fears), I duetted with a colleague on “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart.” I remember thinking at the end, I have to do this again soon. Hasn’t happened, though. Maybe at a TNOCS meet-up…
A TNOCS meet-up HAS to happen some day.
Such an endeavor will require an unprecedented level of focus, determination, and effort. I’ll start:
(Wait; we are beginning with the snack assignments, right?
Maybe when Tom finally catches up to the weekly “live” #1s?
You absolutely need to do it again, Chuck! (It’s actually been several years since my last time singing, so perhaps I should take my own advice as well…)
Nice! American barroom karaoke can be pretty intimidating. I’m fairly shy myself, but as a theater kid, I had no problem letting loose on a stage. Still, my first round of karaoke at a bar was a challenge. I chose “Panic” by The Smiths, but in my nervousness I sang it like Jello Biafra instead of Morrissey. That could have been an inspired decision, but as delivered it was kind of a half-hearted. The only person who cared was my friend who had come with me. Oh, and maybe the DJ, given the lyrics that I was singing. 🤓
When I went to Japan, I found the private karaoke rooms to be far less nerve-wracking. I think that format has become more popular in the US, but I wouldn’t know. Some of my favorite tunes to do included: “Welcome to the Jungle” by GnR, “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand, “Debaser” by Pixies, and anything by Radiohead.
I would like to know how you managed to do Crash Test Dummies. Do you sing in a lower register? If not did you switch to a higher register, or were you totally gurgling as you managed to get that low?
My natural register is somewhat low (although nowhere near bass), so it wasn’t too hard to go into Brad Roberts mode. I gotta admit though, the chorus made my whole face tingle from the vibration…
I love Crash Test Dummies. I’m not a fan of Barenaked Ladies, but I understood the 1,000+ comments it generated. They’re both Canadian, and not critic darlings. If I had your register, I’d karaoke “In the Days of the Caveman”, “Superman Song”, and “Swimming in Your Ocean”, in that order.
When Ellen Reid won the Pulitzer for Music, I was hoping it was that Ellen Reid. Not a lot of people know this, but God Shuffled His Feet is a great album. “Mmm Mmm Mmm” and the backlash it received, overshadows that fact.
I’ve been around singers most of my life but never took part in karaoke. It’s a completely different world from playing in a band. Anyway, I was never a good singer and after thyroid surgery damaged my vocal chords, I can’t carry a tune at all. Even “Happy Birthday.” However, a friend of mine taught me a karaoke trick.
She’s not a good singer either but says it’s all about attitude. She did “Copacabana” with her hips and feet always in motion, pointing at the audience like a disco star, and smiling like mad. She looked like she was having fun, so the audience had fun, too. It’s not about the voice. It’s about the party.
So if I’m ever forced to croak my way through a karaoke tune, it’s going to have to be “I’m Too Sexy.”
Yes! That was always my problem, I think it comes up in part 2, but I have zero stage presence, and I’m always focused on trying to make my vocals sound as close to the original as possible, rather than just engaging with the crowd. If I ever get back into karaoke, I gotta work on that.
That’s very good advice for karaoke, and it’s something I picked up as well.
But…there are limits! I was killing it with GnR one time, and my friend was inspired to pick a song for me to do afterward…Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer.”
Well, I tried my darnedest to at least be entertaining, but man, that was painful for me and everyone present to endure.
“I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” is a great low-bar song – easy to do the verses, and everyone in the room will sing along with the “da-da-da-da” part.
Surreal seeing this published, I’ve always hated doing long-form writing (English comp was my nemesis)… A few notes:
1. First and foremost, awesome job (as always) by mt58 on the layout and graphics! Also for encouraging me and suggesting a few tweaks to get it sounding right.
2. Apparently my stage fright isn’t limited to actual physical stages. I didn’t know exactly when he’d slot my article in, and when I saw the “karaoke diaries” tease yesterday I instantly got a wave of nausea and dry mouth, like I was gonna be performing live or something.
3. Tom’s write-up the other day on *NSYNC reminded me of a couple other guys who would show up occasionally at the karaoke shows, but not to sing. One would appear kinda-sorta dressed like Thriller-era Michael Jackson and kinda-sorta dance to “Billie Jean” after pestering J for a few hours to play it.
The other guy was pretty amazing, and I wish I had video of it. He’d do a dance routine to two different songs, with costumes for each. One was *NSYNC’s “Pop”, the other was a remix of Paul Hardcastle’s “19” (dressed in full camo gear). His dance style was what killed me, it was full deadpan robotic style– not like pop-n-lock breaking, more like Shields & Yarnell (see below for you youngsters) on speed.
https://youtu.be/IrOrHHos9aI
You did great, A3K. And everyone is going to love Parts Two and Three, publishing over the next fortnight. Fun stuff.
Aaron spoke about being nervous seeing his writing published. As a general note to anyone who might be considering writing up an article, please know that I am always happy to assist at whatever level you may need.
You’re not alone on this, and I guarantee that it will be a fun experience. I’d like to think that some of our authors would confirm this.
It’s OK if you’re shy. But remember that we are all friends here, and the whole point of tnocs.com is to share, have fun, and cheer each other on.
Hit me up anytime at submissions@tnocs.com if you have an idea. We’ll make it shine.
I can guarantee for anyone on the fence about this. It’s the perfect way to try your hand at writing because you’ve got a supportive audience and zero worry about trolls. (MT is a super site admin!)
This is so awesome. The Man and Woman Machine. This is more like Alive from Off Center than network television.
Great read Aaron, love the cast of regular characters at Fanny’s (and yes, as a Brit I’m proud to say I’ll never be mature enough not to have a little snigger at that word).
Although I’m shy its the fact I’m blessed with a singing voice that would serve better at scaring crows, small animals and elderly ladies than entertaining the masses that has (mostly) stopped me. I’ve done it twice as part of a trio so could hide my voice and only once alone. Given my voice I went for the comedy option. I picked The Troggs; Wild Thing but did it singing from the throat in an exaggerated growl. It seemed to go down well enough but its definitely not a sustainable singing style.
Looking forward to hearing more.
Thanks JJ! There were a bunch more regulars over the years (several whose names I’ve since forgotten), but I didn’t want my story to end up looking like one of the genealogy sections in the Bible…
And I would encourage you to try solo again. V-Dog had some good advice above on how to make it entertaining regardless of your vocal prowess. Sounds like you came up with a good plan as long as you don’t overdo it!
Awesome debut aaron!!! This was a lot of fun; looking forward to your ongoing entries.
Y’all are making me look into karaoke places around town here now, I think it’d be so cool to have a hangout like that.
I did my first karaoke with a bunch of women friends who somehow convinced me to let my baritone join them in doing Mickey by Toni Basil. The less said about that, the better. I’ve found better success doing crowd pleasers like Dancing Queen (in a lower register, of course) and Kung Fu Fighting.
Yeah…I’m never doing karaoke again! I’ve written those stories before, but I am NOT a good singer.
Great job in overcoming stage fright!
Hi, Aaron3000.
Fun article!!
My first Karaoke session happened because one of my work friends (without asking / telling me, of course) sent out an invite email to (no kidding) almost 100 of MY CO-WORKERS promising that I would be performing “Jessie’s Girl”.
Thankfully, there’s not a ton of vocal range in that song to trip one up too much, but, holy cow, was I freaking out (and imbibing several shots of Sake beforehand). Thankfully, I crushed it enough to get a ton of applause and to expand my catalog to include “Centerfold” (another easy one to sing).