Today I’m taking a look back at the big moments of my life:
Via #1 Singles.
As a Brit but with a predominantly US audience, I’ve picked out the chart toppers on both sides of the ocean that accompanied these events.
Beginning at the beginning:
The time I was born:
March 1976
UK #1: Brotherhood Of Man – “Save Your Kisses For Me”
US #1 : The Four Seasons – “December 1963 (Oh What A Night)”
My memory is a little hazy here. The facts are I was born at 11PM with my dad absent – he’d been sent home as there wasn’t going to any action that night. Indecisive, me?
It was Mother’s Day, and what greater gift could there be than me?
It was an inauspicious chart topping start.
Brotherhood Of Man were an ABBA knock off, except more twee. “Save Your Kisses For Me” won the Eurovision Song Contest so the formula worked. The song is catchy as the plague and nearly as pleasant.
Whereas in the US:
The Four Seasons delivered a far more palatable offering. Even if it instantly pitches me into the nostalgia, it was all so much better 13 years ago kid.
The time I turned 10:
March 1986
UK #1: Diana Ross – “Chain Reaction”
US #1: Heart – “These Dreams”
I was in the first year of middle school. Top of the class when it came to mental arithmetic and my reading age was already graded as 16+. I may have peaked too soon.
I couldn’t stand “Chain Reaction.” I had no idea of Diana’s past and legendary career.
Or that The Bee Gees were behind it. Not that it would have made a difference.
“These Dreams” is an improvement but it still felt as though it was music for people much older than me.
The time I reached adulthood:
March 1994
UK #1 : Doop – “Doop”
US #1: Ace Of Base – “The Sign”
Basically, clearance given to enhance / ruin my life in a myriad of ways.
Still at school, now in the Upper 6th Form a few months from A-Level exams (I ‘achieved’ a U in Maths – I refer you to my earlier comment about peaking too soon).
Celebrations took the form of the usual pub crawl we did every weekend. Except I didn’t have to buy any drinks.
Someone bought me a Black Russian early on. It went down easily.
I drank a lot more Black Russians that night. Which was great. Until the moment it wasn’t. I had a sudden overwhelming urge to purge. Like a delinquent Hansel and Gretel, I left a trail of vomit along the corridor leading to the toilets in case anyone was in any doubt as to where I had gone.
Welcome to adulthood!
The number one of the time was enough to drive anyone to drink. Doop were a Dutch duo who combined the Charleston with Eurotrash house music to devastating effect.
In the US there was more Europop but not quite so offensive to the ears.
I did see the sign, it was illuminated in bright letters telling to never drink a Black Russian again. I never have.
The time I left home for University:
September 1994
UK #1: Wet Wet Wet– “Love Is All Around”
US #1: Boyz II Men – “I’ll Make Love To You”
University provided a place in halls of residence in the first year but you had to share a room – the deprivation! My roommate and I represented opposite sides of the extrovert / introvert spectrum, but somehow it worked and we’re still good friends now.
One thing that had to go was my hair. I’d been trying to grow it for a couple of years in honour of my indie heroes but it wasn’t working. They say that university changes you. Proving that correct, within two weeks I had it entirely shaved off.
My first week at uni was the 15th and final week of Wet Wet Wet at #1. Not exactly a convincing soundtrack to new beginnings. Who was still buying it? Who is so indecisive that 15 weeks in they finally think that’s the song for me?
While WWW had worn out their welcome Boyz II Men offered an even more sickly romantic alternative.
Thanks for the offer guys. But I’m washing my hair – an excuse that would only hold for another week.
The time I turned 20:
March 1996
UK #1: Take That – “How Deep Is Your Love”
US #1: Celine Dion – “Because You Loved Me”
Just past halfway through university. I can’t remember a thing about what I did to celebrate entering my 20s. Which isn’t to say that it was so excessive I’ve lost all memory. More that it blurred into all of the other nights of drinking.
The momentous occasion was marked by a momentous #1: The final ever Take That single (until the 00s reunion).
They were the antithesis to Britpop, a manufactured boy band who were the biggest singles act of the time. Their start belied the fact they had an accomplished songwriter in their number with Gary Barlow.
Some of their songs were, whisper it, not bad at all as they matured. Unfortunately, their valedictory final single was a deeply unnecessary Bee Gees cover. The writing had been on the wall since Robbie Williams left the year before to pursue hedonistic pleasures. How Deep Is Your Love was an admission they couldn’t be bothered anymore.
As for Celine, I’ll admit that her performance at the Paris Olympics opening ceremony, up the Eiffel Tower in the rain belting out L’Hymne à l’Amour was magnificent.
Nothing against her personally, but everything other than that leaves me cold.
The time I turned 30:
March 2006
UK #1: Orson – “No Tomorrow”
US #1: Ne-Yo – “So Sick”
This one was unforgettable. I had my tonsils removed on my 30th birthday.
Made all the more memorable thanks to the hospital’s own Nurse Ratched. My first offence was turning up without a dressing gown. Ratched expressed incredulity at my assertion that I was told it wasn’t necessary.
Coming round after the op, I lay in bed feeling sorry for myself. A nurse with an irritatingly perky disposition threw open the curtain and declared that it was time to get up and about.
I did not agree but doing as I was told, I shuffled through to the TV lounge. After five minutes I decided I was overruling Nurse Toxic Positivity. Which is when Ratched spotted me and demanded to know what I was doing out of bed. Again, the idea that a nurse could have suggested such a thing was beyond her comprehension.
Next morning checking through the discharge form I pointed out to Ratched that they’d got my GP details incorrect.
She displayed all the understanding I’d come to expect, demanding to know why I’d given them the wrong details.
The tonsillectomy made it difficult to protest my innocence. She noted the correct details with a contempt that suggested I’d done something unspeakable on her lawn.
Welcome to the 30s. Things can only get better.
Which applied to the charts as well.
Orson were a nadir, the lowest weekly sale of any #1. A US band who never touched any Billboard chart and are remembered only in articles detailing the death of the charts.
Whereas Ne-Yo provided the topical “So Sick.”
Yeah, thanks for reminding me.
The time I got engaged:
November 2007
UK #1: Leona Lewis– “Bleeding Love”
US #1: Chris Brown ft T-Pain – “Kiss Kiss”
Australia #1: Kylie – “2 Hearts”
We were on holiday in Australia, it was just over two years since we’d met. It was in my mind that I would pop the question but when would be the right moment?
I decided to wait for the end. We were in Sydney for our last night, we dined on traditional Aussie gourmet pizzas, topped with Emu and Kangaroo and went to take in the view one last time with the Opera House and Harbour Bridge framing the scene.
Finding a quiet spot I popped the question and she consented. We went for ice cream to celebrate.
The three week holiday wasn’t enough to escape the 7 week reign of “Bleeding Love” at #1.
“Bleeding Love” wasn’t the most appropriate of tracks for the besotted couple.
The less said about Chris Brown the better.
Fortunately, Australia knew the score.
“2 Hearts” isn’t top tier Kylie but for the first time it’s a song I’d happily listen to and the subject matter was fitting.
The time I got married:
September 2009
UK #1: Dizzee Rascal ft Chrome – “Holiday”
US #1: The Black Eyed Peas – “I Gotta Feeling”
Two years later we were lawfully wedded. The ceremony was a small affair in a hotel, just twelve guests with a larger gathering in the evening.
The hotel wedding planner looked so young we referred to him as Doogie Howser. We didn’t entirely trust him.
The fact that he wouldn’t be there on the big day actually left us feeling more confident. It all went smoothly though. Plus there were enough cupcakes left that we got to take them home and eat them for lunch the following day before setting off for the airport.
The honeymoon was a week each in New York and San Francisco.
We’re tennis fans, and it coincided with the US Open so we went to Flushing Meadows for a quarter final night session.
The highlight was Roger Federer v Robin Soderling. It was a whole different world to Wimbledon.
The respectful hush during points was replaced by a constant chatter. There were hot dogs and beer instead of strawberries and Pimms. And in an unusual turn, whereas we’d been to Wimbledon on a sweltering day, by 12:18 AM in New York when Roger put the match to bed in a fourth set tiebreak it was freezing. We’d been torn between wanting Robin to force a fifth set of high quality tennis, or getting it over with so we could get back to the warmth of our hotel room.
Dizzee Rascal was the leading light of British grime achieving critical acclaim but without any huge hits. From 2008 he sacrificed critical acclaim for a poppier chart friendly sound and scored five #1 singles in the next two years.
Pre-honeymoon, BEPs party anthem was an inane irritation.
On Arthur Ashe, it actually made sense. It featured prominently in the between game changeovers and in the feelgood atmosphere of a big crowd it worked.
Then we got home, and it stopped working again.
The time my daughter was born:
October 2011
UK #1: Dappy – “No Regrets”
US #1: Maroon 5 ft Christina Aguilera – “Moves Like Jagger”
Regrets? I’ve had a few, but then again, my daughter isn’t one of them.
She was two weeks overdue, which was taken by some people as proof that we were having a boy as boys are lazier – its just basic science. She proved that theory wrong. We got to the hospital around 4am. The nurse doing the initial screening told us “looks like you got here just in time”. For a moment I thought it might be all done in time for breakfast.
How wrong that was.
There followed a day that offered a bewildering mix of anxiety, anticipation and sheer boredom. Which was heightened for Mrs J with the addition of sporadic bursts of pain.
Only 16 hours later, daughter finally arrived.
Dappy was one third of London hip hop / R&B group N-Dubz and this is his first solo single. While the group had a distinct London flavour, “No Regrets” veers Stateside. It’s no life affirming burst of joy that’s for sure.
While Maroon 5 offer a song that is every bit the 3 that reviewer Tom Breihan gave it.
It’s still a higher score than Dappy gets.
The time I turned 40:
March 2016
UK #1: Mike Posner – “I Took A Pill In Ibiza”
US #1: Rihanna ft Drake – “Work“
I’ve been to Ibiza once, when I was 20. The first time I’d ever been abroad. Despite it being a party island I went with my parents. This was due to the fact my sister was living there.
I didn’t visit any of the hedonistic superclubs but my sister and her partner did take me to a rave.
Held in a not quite inaccessible location on a cliff top promontory jutting out into the sea.
There was a sound system, 100 – 200 people and it went all night through to sunrise. Unlike Mike, I didn’t take any pills.
For my actual 40th my wife took me to Iceland. Though we waited til May when the weather wouldn’t be quite so bracing. It meant no Northern Lights as there was around 20 hours of daylight, but it was more conducive to sightseeing.
All of which are far better memories than hearing Mike Posner.
That’s 10 momentous events. Accompanied by 21 songs.
And the vast majority:
Are duds.
Good job that the memories stand up without the soundtrack. Here’s to 2026:
And whatever 50 brings.
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That’s quite a mix, JJ. I agree with your overall assessment, though I like a few of the songs you don’t (“Because You Loved Me,” for one). But, ew, to “Bleeding Love” and “Work” drives me up the wall.
I love Black Russians. And very few of these songs.
Now I have to go back and see what the mediocre #1s were at my life’s high points. Cool idea, JJ!
Yes, a few good songs, mostly okay ones. But at least they can time stamp the events of our lives, which ain’t nothing!
Here’s to yours, from one Xennial to another!
Great milestone memories, even if the soundtrack wasn’t always up to the task. I haven’t done this exercise, but I’m pretty sure I’m in the same boat, as long as Torn Between Two Lovers and the likes are lurking about.
You’ve sworn off Black Russians, but how about a White Russian? On second thought, maybe not such a good idea.
For a long time just a smell that reminded me of a Black Russian was enough to make my stomach churn. The addition of cream to make it a White Russian definitely wouldn’t do anything to help the nausea.
A memory best consigned to the portion of my brain reserved for learning experiences.
When I typed in the search words: Orson united states chart positions billboard, the AI overview gave me: Here are some of Roy Orbison’s Billboard Hot 100 peak positions.
That’s amazing. It looks like Orson has no American presence in either the singles or albums chart, despite being an American band.
Orson deep dive, definitely.
Be careful, there’s only two albums so it’s a pretty shallow pool.