JJ looks at the lyrics. It doesn’t help.
It’s all Avril Lavigne’s fault.
I was enjoying the drive.
Listening to the radio…
When “Sk8ter Boi” came on. And Avril got straight down to business:
“He was a boy
She was a girl
Can I make it any more obvious?”
Look, I know it’s a bit late in the day to be taking issue with this. But since you’re still asking the question, the answer is YES.
You really can.
At the moment, we have two characters and no exposition. Anything could happen.
I could take an educated guess that romance / relationship issues are going to be prominent.
Beyond that though, are we dealing with:
- A boy meets girl?
- Unrequited love
- Break up?
- One is cheating?
- Murder ballad?
There are many options.
Go on Avril, elucidate me.
This led me onto other songs where I take issue with the lyrics.
Ones that lead to more questions than they’re answering, and require deeper consideration:
The Beatles
“Don’t Pass Me By”
“I’m sorry that I doubted you, I was so unfair
You were in a car crash, and you lost your hair
You said that you would be late, about an hour or two
I said that’s alright, I’m waiting here, just waiting to hear from you”
It’s unfair to pick on Ringo.
When you’ve got two of the greatest songwriters ever and another as talented as George, it must have been intimidating to present your own ideas.
This is his first solo writing credit. John, Paul and George didn’t write classics straight out of the gate, so cut him some slack.
Still, this verse has long fascinated me.
Did she lose her hair in the car crash or was this a separate incident? My interpretation is that they’re connected, otherwise why pair them?
Losing your hair in a car crash, though… How would that even work? If the crash is serious enough to lose your hair then I’m going to assume that there were other pretty serious injuries sustained.
Then there’s the lateness. Is this connected to the car crash? If it isn’t, why mention it in the same breath? If she’s late because of the car crash and has lost her hair she must be a real trooper if it’s only set her back an hour or two.
Lastly, Ringo’s response to her letting him know she’ll be late is that it’s fine, he’s waiting to hear from her.
He has just heard from her. She’s informed him she’ll be late.
My main takeaway from “Don’t Pass Me By” is that I need a detailed timeline of the relationship and this evening so I can work out what’s going on. If I ever meet Ringo. I know what I’m going to be asking him about.
Busted
“Year 3000”
Imagine a British three-duded version of Avril Lavigne.
Except they outdid Avril with this one. Inspired by Back to the Future, it tells us of a time-travelling protagonist, returned from the “Year 3000”.
“He said ‘I’ve been to the year 3000
Not much has changed
But they lived underwater'”
NOT.
MUCH.
HAS.
CHANGED.
Only a fundamental shift in the way humanity exists.
“Triple-breasted women swim around town
Totally naked”
Again, not much has changed?! Seems like evolution really picks up pace in this millennium. Is there an increase in triplets that necessitates the 50% increase in breasts?
“And your great-great-great-granddaughter
Is pretty fine, is pretty fine”
Are you sure on your maths?
The song came out in 2003. So that’s 997 years to 3000. Assuming 25 years per generation that would make her:
Your great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great…
(yes, we are doing this)
…great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great…
(I know, I could just put “x40.” But I’m proving a point)
…great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great granddaughter.
I’ll admit it doesn’t scan so well. But what is wrong with a little accuracy (or pedantry, if you will)?
If she really is his great-great-great-granddaughter she’s got to be well on her way to 300 years old.
Are you absolutely sure she’s “looking pretty fine?”
Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes
“Up Where We Belong”
“There are mountains in our way
But we climb a step every day
Love lift us up where we belong
Where the eagles cry
On a mountain high”
Make your mind up. What’s your goal?
- First you tell us the mountains are in your way, then that on a mountain high is your destination.
- Are there less desirable mountains that you need to traverse to get to the chichi mountains behind them?
You can’t be that enthused if you’re only climbing one step every day.
Mountains are well known for being very big.
Take one step every day and the probability is you won’t even have ascended one mountain by the time you die.
What are you, sloths?
Not that the mountain top sounds too desirable with those crying eagles. It might kill the mood to have the piercing shriek of a bird of prey accompany your romantic assignations.
“Where the clear winds blow”
Even better, it’s blowing a gale up there. Still, you’ve got each other.
Jimmy Webb / Richard Harris / Donna Summer
“MacArthur Park”
“Someone left my cake out in the rain
I don’t think that I can take it
‘Cause it took too long to bake it
And I’ll never have that recipe again”
A standout WTF line in a song of high drama. One that prompts a deeper consideration of Jimmy Webb’s baking process.
Yes, I know it can be explained away as a metaphor. As can some of the others –
(not you Busted. You can’t explain that away.)
I don’t care if it is a metaphor, I’m left wondering what happened to the recipe?
OK, so it took a long time to bake it but in the general scheme of things we’re talking no more than a few hours. What did you do with the recipe in the meantime?
Some kind of Mission Impossible scenario—this recipe will self-destruct on placing the cake in the oven?
You got it from a mysterious stranger who knocked on your door and promised you a one-time-only gift of allowing you to bake the most incredible cake and then left?
Surely you could have a go at remembering the ingredients? Again, it’s been a few hours.
I think Jimmy needs to take responsibility as well.
“Someone” left it out in the rain.
Given all the drama it sounds like this cake was pretty important -but you left it to someone else to look after.
Personal accountability, Jimmy.
Panic! At The Disco
“Nine In The Afternoon”
“Cause its 9 in the afternoon“
No. It is not. Technically. 9PM is after noon, but being after noon does not mean it is afternoon.
The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines Afternoon as ‘the part of the day between noon and sunset’.
Which would mean that at the height of summer 9pm would qualify as occurring before sunset.
This is quite obviously wrong as well.
Go to the city of Tromsø in Norway, located in the Arctic circle.
This year, the sunset at 00:06 on May 17th and will next set on July 26th. By the Merriam-Webster definition, the citizens of Tromsø are currently enduring an afternoon of epic proportions.
Over two months without a morning. Sales of breakfast cereal must crash in the summer months.
Conversely it would mean that in winter they go two months without an afternoon. PATD! and the dictionary people are wrong.
9PM is the cusp of evening / nighttime. Once again, for some of us accuracy is more important than lyrical whimsy.
“I Write Sins Not Tragedies”
“As I’m pacing the pews in a church corridor”
This lot again. There’s something weird about the setup of this church.
Why are the pews in the corridor? Is it so popular they’ve got overspill seating?
“‘What a beautiful wedding,’ says a bridesmaid to a waiter”
Why is the waiter at the church?
Call me a traditionalist but I’d expect the food to be served after rather than during the ceremony. If the pews are in the corridor, I can’t imagine where they’ve put the tables.
Phil Lynott
“Yellow Pearl”
“We are now living in a situation
Where that self same situation depends on the Yellow Pearl”
It’s like I’m back at school, adding superfluous words to reach the word count.
Tell you what, how about we make a little edit here?
“We are now living in a situation which depends on the Yellow Pearl”
Much better. B+.
Spandau Ballet
“True”
“Take your seaside arms and write the next line”
I am at a complete loss as to what ‘seaside arms’ look like.
Then, there’s the instruction to take them and write the next line. Like they’re a detachable option you can choose to take or leave.
If you are going to write the next line, hands would be more… handy. Arms are a necessary accompaniment but I think the majority of people—like >99%:
When asked for a part of the body essential to the writing experience would say, “hands.”
Gigi Perez
“Sailor Song”
“Oh, won’t you kiss me on the mouth and love me like a sailor?”
Is it just me that conjures up the image of Popeye mangling a can of spinach into his wide open jaw?
And then sweeping up Olive Oyl into his unnaturally muscled arms?
Wait… Popeye…
Nautical theme…
Does Popeye have ‘seaside arms?’
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“True” is even weirder than it appears.
The “seaside arms” line was taken from “Lolita”. Gary Kemp was reading “Lolita” because it was given to him by Clare Grogan of Altered Images, and Gary – like pretty much everyone in the 80s – had a big crush on her.
Why was Clare giving Gary a copy of “Lolita.” He was 21 and she was 18. Was she trying to tell him he was a dirty old man?
So “True” is basically Gary telling Clare, “you know that book you gave me? Well, I read it.”
If you are wondering how Gary ever expected Clare to recognize some random line in a novel, she had underlined it. She’d also underlined “pill on my tongue,” so he added that one too.
That explains where Gary got the phrase from but I’m now left wondering what Nabokov pictures as seaside arms. As well as wondering about the intentions of Gary and Clare in all of this.
Maybe Sting would know. He referenced “the old man in that book by Nabokov” in a song, so he must have read it at some point, right?
They are “seaside limbs” in Lolita. I took it to mean her arms and legs are very tan.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_0tu5dmbR8
Another lyric that has been questioned over the years is the title lyric to “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” Many have wondered why this question would even be asked, being that nearly 70% of Ethiopia is Christian, so yes, they do likely know. Now it probably didn’t feel like Christmas there, with the famine going on, but that’s a different concept altogether and would call for a different title to the song. It would be one that would likely come off as less condescending.
One that can be filed under well meaning but hamfisted. At best.
I believe that they meant well, but…”Tonight thank God it’s them instead of you” anyone? Really?
I really enjoyed this, JJ. It’s
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great
great…
Thurl Ravenscroft has entered the chat.
Followed by Newt the Gnu.
Nice collection of contrived lyrical, oddities, JJ.
I always thought that you had to hand it to Alice Cooper. As he tells the story, he was having trouble coming up with a final line in a verse before the chorus in “School’s Out.
“Well we’ve got no class “
“and we’ve got no principles “
“ And we’ve got no innocence”
WE CAN’T EVEN THINK OF A WORD THAT RHYMES.”
Maybe if they’d spent more time in school and paying attention they’d have been able to come up with a rhyming word.
One of my favorite lines ever. Pure honesty. Tell the truth and move on.