A collection of mysterious interactions that make perfect sense… if you’re in the know
I try very hard to be a good citizen when I’m out and about.
I never ask to switch seats on planes.
I don’t barrel through airports like a privileged fool just because I planned my layover with the precision of someone who thinks,
“Hmm. ATL, Concourse A to F? In eight minutes? That’ll be plenty of time.”
And I certainly never listen in on strangers’ conversations.
OK, that’s not true. I recently realized that I have become an inadvertent eavesdropper.
I can’t help myself. For some reason, random conversations in the wild are like catnip to my brain.
Even when… and I suppose, especially when: I have absolutely no clue as to what in the world these people are talking about. When it happens, I’m hooked. It’s like listening to aliens discuss their weekend plans.
Embellished for the yuks, but I promise, essentially accurate: Here are some real conversations I’ve accidentally ‘overheard’ recently that left me more confused than a vegan at an Oklahoma chili cook-off.
Seven case studies of creative and essential argot. Test your powers of contextual analysis and see if you can decipher what’s actually happening.
Conversation #1:
“I spent three hours yesterday trying to get my whip finisher to cooperate, but the thread kept breaking every time I tried to secure the head.
Finally switched to a different bobbin and managed to tie off a decent woolly bugger, but the hackle was way too sparse. Definitely need to work on my proportions before I hit the water this weekend.”
The Translation:
A fly fisherperson struggled with making artificial fishing flies.
Specifically: tying the thread properly and creating a popular pattern called a “woolly bugger.”
Where you’d typically hear this:
Standing knee-deep in a river at 5 AM, surrounded by people sporting more pockets than a pool table, all desperately trying to convince fish that a tiny bundle of feathers and thread is actually a delicious insect.
Conversation #2:
“Had to frog the entire sleeve because I dropped one about twenty rows back, and didn’t catch it until I was working the decreases.
The gauge was off anyway—should have gone down a poker size. Now, I’m debating whether to rip back to the ribbing or just tink row by row.”
The Translation:
A knitter had to unravel a sweater sleeve.
They made an error, many rows earlier, and their stitch size was wrong throughout.
Where you’d typically hear this:
In a cozy corner where people carry around bags full of pointy sticks and rainbow-colored string. These folks can somehow watch TV, carry on a conversation, and create clothing – simultaneously.
Conversation #3:
“The pH was WAY off yesterday. So I shocked it and ran maxpump overnight. Still some cloudy by the skimmer… might need to set a major backwash and bump up the bleach before the weekend.”
The Translation:
A pool owner is dealing with water chemistry problems and trying to clear up their cloudy swimming pool.
Where you’d typically hear this:
From someone standing next to a giant hole in their backyard filled with enough water for a three-month stint in a fallout shelter.
Holding a collection of test strips and chemicals that would concern the average physical science teacher, they’ve mastered the art of making relaxation require a chemistry degree.
Conversation #4:
“My queen went supersedure on me last week, so I had to do a newspaper combine with the nuc I started in spring. Found some DWV on the bottom board though, and the varroa count is getting sketchy.
Might need to do a sugar roll before I put the supers back on for the fall flow.”
The Translation:
A beekeeper’s queen bee was replaced by the colony, so they merged hives:
.. but then discovered virus issues and mite problems that need treatment before adding honey collection boxes.
Where you’d typically hear this:
From someone wearing stylish white hazmat gear in their own backyard, who can identify bee diseases by wing angle. They consider being stung a dozen times in 24 hours a “chill day.”
Conversation #5:
“Had to pull my entire hardscape yesterday because the bioload crashed my cycle. The nitrites spiked after I lost my cleanup to the damn copper med.
Now? I’m ghost feeding, and dosing bacteria to get my beneficial colonies back up before I can restock my CUC.”
The Translation:
An aquarium hobbyist had to remove all of the tank’s plants and decorations, because their biological filter system failed after medications killed beneficial and essential organisms.
And now, they need to reconfigure the entire ecosystem.
Where you’d typically hear this:
From someone whose electric bill rivals that of a small business, who can identify fish diseases from across a crowded room, and refers to fish tanks as “systems” with the urgency of a NASA mission-critical engineer.
Conversation #6:
“FINALLY got my splits to go over after months of back walkovers. I know my needle needs work before regionals, but at least I’m not piking in my switch-leap anymore.
Still can’t stick my double-back dismount though… I keep stepping out of bounds…”
The Translation:
A gymnast mastered doing splits in mid-air after doing back handsprings.
Now, they are working on leg flexibility, and struggling with proper execution of a complex dismount routine.
Where you’d typically hear this:
From someone who considers flipping through the air “basic” and uses physics-defying moves as punctuation in casual conversation. In a building that smells like chalk and determination.
Conversation #7:
“Get this: I had THREE walk-ins yesterday. Had no idea how we would accommodate. One was too fresh, and the other two needed more prep time than we had before the viewing.
The Wilbert got delayed again, so I had to use the backup unit.
But at least the flowers came in nice, and the family seemed pleased with the final presentation.”
The Translation:
A funeral director was having a day:
- Scheduling issues with bodies requiring different preparation times
- Casket delivery problems
… and yet, they managed to coordinate a dignified and successful service.
Where you’d typically hear this:
From someone who has mastered the art of remaining completely professional while discussing the most awkward logistics known to humanity.
Who keeps banker’s hours but deals with customers who are permanently unavailable for feedback.
And who somehow makes “caring for your loved ones” sound like project management.
Mysteries Solved (?)
The thing I love about these overheard conversations is how they sound like complete gibberish – until that magical moment when you somehow put the puzzle together and realize what they’re talking about.
The next time you overhear a conversation that sounds like two people speaking in code, don’t dismiss it as nonsense.
Instead, appreciate that you’ve just witnessed two experts communicating with the precision and efficiency that only comes from deep knowledge and shared passion.
It’s a reminder that everyone is an expert in something, and that expertise comes with its own language. It’s something to be respected.
Speaking of random arcanery: I should probably come clean about my own struggles. Last week I was in a phone chat with my hosting provider:
“Yeah, so my SSL cert is randomly throwing 502s. I think it’s because the DNS prop isn’t syncing with the CDN. I tried flushing the cache and updating htaccess, but now I’m getting some weird redirect loops. Pretty sure it’s server-side not a frontend problem.”
There was a long pause before the tech support chat dingied in and asked:
Overthinking again? Me?
Guilty. In my case, a reminder that sometimes, for we overly verbose “experts:”
The jargon can make us sound way more competent than we actually are.
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I knew none of these. Great examples of very niche jargon.
Turning the computer or any other device off and then on again is my only move and 90% of the time it works. I am considered somewhat of an expert at work by people who know even less than I do.
My daughter overheard a couple of guys in the street in downtown Ashville, NC discussing the best way to dispose of a body in a dumpster. Not sure what their profession was, but I can only venture to guess.
If it was within the past year, it could have been a number of professions, what with the damage Helene wrought.