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It’s The First Annual (And Potentially Only) TNOCS “Greatest Imaginary Band Name” Bracket Challenge!

Voting Closes Thursday!

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Regular readers of this site and Stereogum’s The Number Ones series might know that I keep a spreadsheet.

  • It contains data about the songs…
  • Author Tom Briehan’s ratings…

And the results of my weekly poll.

“BUT WAIT – THERE’S MORE…”

The spreadsheet keeps track of other stuff, too…

Like any time someone comes up with a good potential band name.

I’ve been keeping a similar list on my phone for years.

Some people here in Nashville know about it and will hit me up when they’re putting a new act together.

I’ll then take that name off my list, because it’s theirs now.

In the spirit of Pauly Steyreen’s recent awesome tnocs.com bracket poll of songs from the 2010s, mt58 and I thought it would be fun to name the imaginary band we’re all members of.

Pick an instrument, and you’re in the band. (Dibs on bass!)

And those instrument requests? They’re barreling in as we speak…

Hi. We’re The Paul Anka Elementary School Ocarina Ensemble!
We’re tuned up – and ready!

So: below are the best 64 names from both the spreadsheet and my phone.

Keep in mind this is just for fun and not nearly as life-and-death-important as picking the best song of the 2010s.

Which is “American Idiot.” Clearly.

Please. It’s a little late for that. Don’t even.

Ahem. Anyway, vote below and come back next week for the… wait, let me count this out, finals, semi-finals, quarter-finals… come back next week for the thirty-second finals!

If you’re reading this: voting is open NOW!

(Occasionally the server tally code misbehaves, and you might at first see “zeros” in the voting. Just refresh the page, and the vote counts will render.)

This voting round ends: This coming THURSDAY at 11:59PM – US EST (3:59AM Friday GMT.)

A handy little clock is provided below.

Who will be the winner?

Vote and help decide!

Let the author know that you liked their article with a “Green Thumb” Upvote! 

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Bill Bois

Bill Bois - bassist, pie fan, aging gentleman punk, keeper of the TNOCS spreadsheet:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/138BvuV84ZH7ugcwR1HVtH6HmOHiZIDAGMIegPPAXc-I/edit#gid=0

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cstolliver
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September 8, 2023 4:32 am

That was super-fun! I didn’t puzzle them out — just picked whatever tickled me first. (Which is how I wound up *not* voting for the one most obvious for me!) Have a great weekend, everyone!

LinkCrawford
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September 8, 2023 7:24 am

Can I get an “I Voted!” sticker?

mt58
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September 8, 2023 8:44 am
Reply to  LinkCrawford

Yes, with one caveat:
You have to tell us what your favorite band name is in this round.

LinkCrawford
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September 8, 2023 8:53 am
Reply to  mt58

I loved the idea of “Impossible…” being the beginning adjective, but sausage carries connotations that I didn’t want to name my band.

I pull for Toucan Cher. I don’t know why that one just made me guffaw.

Or at least chortle.

Last edited 10 months ago by LinkCrawford
Phylum of Alexandria
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September 8, 2023 1:20 pm
Reply to  LinkCrawford

Links Guffaw, playing tonight with Harry’s Cackle

Napoleon of Birds
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September 8, 2023 5:27 pm
Reply to  LinkCrawford

“IF I COULD EAT FROOT LOO-OOPS…”

rollerboogie
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September 8, 2023 9:15 am

This is so great! I want to join at least half of these bands

JJ Live At Leeds
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September 8, 2023 11:26 am

Like Chuck, I didn’t overthink it. Voted on gut instinct. The only one that did make me pause was Functional Meth Addicts vs Clang Thwack.

I’m pretty sure FMA are an ageing punk band someway past their prime. While Clang Thwack make godawful industrial noise scapes. They have an audience of a select pretentious few who would rather suffer burst eardrums than admit that they’re listening to the bastard lovechild of a dentist’s drill and a sledgehammer.

OK, so maybe I am overthinking it now.

stobgopper
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September 13, 2023 4:46 pm

JJ, you opened the door…

Exuberant Scamp: founded by three Rhode Island School of Design dropouts; mix of Talking Heads-like funk with straight power pop riffs.

Canadian Sinning: Inspired by Wilson-Phillips, children of both Gordon Lightfoot and Leonard Cohen form a dub-step band with navel-gazing lyrics.

Bodega Sushi: Coldplay cover band. Will soon appear at a small venue near you.

Schmear: Orthodox rapper from Scranton. Second album, Loose Shekels, goes platinum. Opens for Greta Van Fleet on their Sub-Saharan tour.

The Gerkins: folkies from the Inland Empire. Once hailed as the next Weavers, infighting, artistic differences, and label interference makes them the next Imagine Dragons instead.

Aaron3000
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September 8, 2023 12:46 pm

Can I be in the band? I play a mean triangle.

Phylum of Alexandria
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September 8, 2023 1:18 pm

I guess it’s too late, but “I Keep a Spreadsheet” sounds like a pretty badass name to me.

Pauly Steyreen
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September 8, 2023 2:23 pm

Math rock, naturally!

Pauly Steyreen
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September 8, 2023 2:22 pm

A) This is so awesome!!

B) As we get into the later rounds, we should offer our guesses about the genre of these fictional bands…

lovethisconcept
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September 8, 2023 4:10 pm

Full appreciation for keeping up with all of these. Do you have an opening in the band for a washboard?

lovethisconcept
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September 9, 2023 8:07 pm
Reply to  Virgindog

Can’t wait.

Napoleon of Birds
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September 8, 2023 5:28 pm

Keep in mind this is just for fun and not nearly as life-and-death-important as picking the best song of the 2010s.
Which is “American Idiot.” Clearly.

I’m not as old as I think I am!

cappiethedog
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September 8, 2023 6:43 pm

Bodega Sushi is great.

Also, I wish The Paul Anka Elementary School Ocarina Ensemble was a real band.

Napoleon of Birds
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September 9, 2023 3:11 pm
Reply to  cappiethedog

I’m from his hometown of Ottawa, and if anywhere in the world was going to have a Paul Anka Elementary School — let alone an ocarina ensemble — it would be here. There’s a freakin’ semi-arterial road named after him. Just build a school, and I’ll provide the ocarinas.

blu_cheez
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September 11, 2023 5:44 pm
Reply to  cappiethedog

Lead Ocarina-er:

culture2-1-6926547b948409b6.jpg
Pauly Steyreen
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September 8, 2023 10:05 pm

BTW I also get bass… who doesn’t want a double dose of bass in their band???

Phylum of Alexandria
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September 13, 2023 5:09 pm
Reply to  Virgindog

Always appreciate a Leenalchi reference. Of which this might be the only one in my lifetime. So very much appreciated.

Last edited 10 months ago by Phylum of Alexandria
Pauly Steyreen
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September 8, 2023 10:08 pm

Bill, are you at liberty to share which band names have been taken by actual bands? That’s something I’d love to know!!!

Ozmoe
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Ozmoe
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September 11, 2023 11:05 am

This was actually more difficult for me to make some decisions than when I did the top songs of the 2000s survey. Which I think says more about me than anything else involved here ….

dothestrand
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September 11, 2023 1:33 pm

The Chucklefucks are destined to release a novelty Christmas single about how much of a rude word the latest Prime Minister is, any second now

blu_cheez
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September 11, 2023 5:45 pm
Reply to  dothestrand

It’ll be a collab with Blobby

blu_cheez
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September 11, 2023 5:42 pm

You can pick using your gut or your head, but I chose from THE HEART. Totally forgot that a family mondegreen made it into the selections.

stobgopper
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September 13, 2023 4:27 pm

Next level voting: which bands will have the most top 40 hits?

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