It’s The “Sexy 16:” The TNOCS “Greatest Imaginary Band Name” Bracket Challenge! Vote Now!

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Well… “sexy” might be a stretch. But we try to keep things positive here. Just go with it for now and we’ll fix it later.

Just like in the previous round, the highest scoring names were Toucan Cher and Bodega Sushi. These two look like they might face each other in the finals, which doesn’t bode well for my favorite, Clang Thwack.

C’mon, Clang Thwack! You can do it!

(mt58, better have the despondent Billie Joe Armstrong picture ready to go.)

“OK, V-Dog…hang on a sec… I’ll take a look and see if I can find it.”


“It’s not like I keep a laminated copy in my wallet and frequently have deep conversations with it and sometimes it speaks back in a distinct Northwestern US accent and offers to buy me a latte.”

“That would be, you know, weird.

There are a couple close races:

As of this writing, Inferior Consumer Goods is a single vote ahead of Lips Like Chicken. Likewise, Complicated Hair is beating Secular Saint by one.

I’m pretty sure those last two sentences have never been written before.

Checks out.

We’re losing our two primate-related names, Cash Monkey and Monkey Puppet. That’s too bad.

“So, Andy Warhol was right about the whole ’15 minutes’ thing, after all.”

It’s been real, y’all.”

Epic Pickle is, well, epic, so it deserves its win. I’m not so sure about Functional Irritants; it strikes me as significantly less epic. But it was a close race.

Last week, I mentioned that the lovely Ms. Virgindog said most of these names were terrible, and I said that’s the point. She had a week to think about it and came to recognize my brilliance. A lot of famous band names are bad.

The Beatles is a weak pun.

The The is heavy on the definitive articles.

Panic! At The Disco can’t even put the punctuation in the right place.

At a certain point, however, you forget what a band name means, and just say it.

We don’t think about insects when we say “The Beatles.” We’re more likely to think about “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band…” and come to think of it, that is actually a pretty good band name.

So vote for our band name here, and then we’ll all forget what it means when we become rich and famous with our debut hit, “Maj. Cumin’s Speed Dating Association Band.”

Which is not at all a Beatles ripoff.

So, let’s get busy: If you’re reading this: voting is open NOW!

As always, pick your favorite in each pair and may the best, or worst, name win.

(Occasionally the server tally code misbehaves, and you might at first see “zeros” in the voting. Just refresh the page, and the vote counts will render.)

This voting round ends: This coming THURSDAY at 11:59PM – US EST (3:59AM Friday GMT.)

A handy little clock is provided below.

Who will be the winner?

Vote and help decide!

Let the author know that you liked their article with a “Green Thumb” Up

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Bill Bois

Bill Bois - bassist, pie fan, aging gentleman punk, keeper of the TNOCS spreadsheet:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/138BvuV84ZH7ugcwR1HVtH6HmOHiZIDAGMIegPPAXc-I/edit#gid=0

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ISurvivedPop
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ISurvivedPop
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September 22, 2023 6:51 am

Shame 12345 Once I Caught Phish Live didn’t make it.

Phylum of Alexandria
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September 22, 2023 7:33 am

C’mon, no Third Manatee?

No love at all for the genius of Orson Whales.

cappiethedog
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September 22, 2023 2:41 pm

Or Coral Seaweed.

rollerboogie
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September 22, 2023 7:38 am

Lots of funny stuff in that intro! Loving this. A friend of mine had a jam band named Frozen Moses, which I always thought was just a great band name and just fit the style of music perfectly. I think I gravitate toward names that roll off the tongue like that, and there are a bunch still on the board. We’ll see what survives, but man, Toucan Cher is going to be hard to topple.

dutchg8r
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September 22, 2023 9:40 am
Reply to  Virgindog

That reminds me of my mentor at work who retired a couple years ago. He was one of those very dry humor types that many people couldn’t quite figure out, but he and I were always making each other laugh. At one point he was like – I gotta tell you this joke, and I think I have you pegged for being ok with it. So of course I’m like – oh, please share!

‘A few of my senior citizen friends and I decided to start a band, where we just sit the whole time. The name of our group is The Loose Stools.’

Honestly, people working in the building next door probably heard me hoot out loud at that.

dutchg8r
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September 22, 2023 9:33 am

The fact that every time I read “Lips Like Chicken” I’m humming “Lips Like Sugar” should make it a Golden Buzzer finalist automatically. Honestly.

blu_cheez
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September 22, 2023 5:41 pm
Reply to  dutchg8r

My son is MORTIFIED that his mondegreen is even in this contest, much less moving ahead – it’s *chef’s kiss*

dutchg8r
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September 22, 2023 8:00 pm
Reply to  blu_cheez

Oh, oh, that makes it a zillion times better!! 😆

JJ Live At Leeds
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September 22, 2023 12:12 pm

Occasionally I like to think of myself as reasonably intelligent. And then I take myself down a notch by remembering that it was only around 5 years ago I realised The Beatles is a pun.

JJ Live At Leeds
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September 22, 2023 12:57 pm
Reply to  Virgindog

I believe the acronym I need is OMFG. I need to go lie down and reassess my whole life. That has literally never occurred to me until now.

Please no more punning band names, I can’t take the shame.

blu_cheez
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September 22, 2023 6:08 pm

Dread Zeppelin has entered the chat room

Pauly Steyreen
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September 22, 2023 12:30 pm

Upon submitting my votes, every match was 5-5 or 6-4. Going to be a lot of nails bitten over this round…

Last edited 1 year ago by Pauly Steyreen
cappiethedog
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September 22, 2023 2:58 pm

Bodega Sushi/Monkey Puppet are a classic 8/9 matchup.

If a ‘The” was added to Secular Saint. That would be my pick to upset Bodega Sushi.

Sad to see Moves Beyond Vapor go. I like Moves Beyond Vapor because it could’ve been the name of David Fenton’s new band.

mt58
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September 23, 2023 2:39 am
Reply to  Virgindog

Vengeance is mine! For another week, anyway…

IMG_6210.png
cappiethedog
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September 23, 2023 5:44 pm
Reply to  mt58

Do you think this monkey puppet is in the public domain?

It would make a great t-shirt. I would stop and gawk if somebody wore this.

Ozmoe
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September 23, 2023 7:49 pm
Reply to  mt58

Having unleashed Ozmoe the monkey to this group, I feel so proud right now in the weirdest way possible. As for your question, cappie, I’d have to investigate more than I’d want to for the answer, I believe. But if you want to give it a shot.

Ozmoe
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Ozmoe
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September 23, 2023 7:46 pm

Was doing pretty well in speed voting until the face-off between Subtle Mullet and Benign Pleasures. At that point, I definitely had a moment or two of self-reflection.

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