I’ve got a question for you: Can we shake hands?
That seems like a simple question, doesn’t it? But the answer to it relies on two years of experience (and lack of experience) and on some important reflection and self-awareness. This summer shows signs of a society striving to put COVID in the past – except it’s not, really.
It’s still moving about, so each of us has to figure out our own comfort level with how much risk we’re prepared to take. For me, determining that answer is different than it was in June 2021 or June 2020.
Two years ago, the world was 100% frightening.
No one – not the medical experts and scientific community nor the politicians nor the pundits – knew where an outbreak would strike. The only advice that seemed solid was to shut down, stay home and not venture out. That wasn’t possible for everyone forever. At some point, I had to figure out how and when to take those first steps outside.
Last year, vaccinated and having spent most of the 20-21 school year in my office, I began to move back into my community.
I returned to attending Mass in person. I joined the Y, working out masked at first and then, as mandates were dropped, unmasked. On outdoor walks, I kept my distance without a mask.
Still, there were limits. My husband and I weren’t dining at indoor restaurants. No movie theaters or art museums. And I wasn’t ready to rejoin my weekly bowling league.
Two days ago, I received an invitation for a reunion of colleagues from my old newspaper in Fort Wayne, Ind. I must admit I’m seriously thinking about it. I haven’t been to the Hoosier state in two decades – a planned trip for my 30th class reunion in 2011 had to be dropped when my husband suffered a heart attack not long before it. And COVID cancelled all talk of a 40th.
So this reunion sounds enticing. Except COVID is still real. And each of us has reason to be wary. As I think about my plans for summer 2022, my mind goes back to the ’80s, the decade I came of age. In the fall of 1981, I realized I was gay. It took a few years to discern how comfortable I would feel being intimate with another man. By then, HIV/AIDS dominated the cultural conversation, and I needed to figure out how to define intimacy, how to prepare for it, and how comfortable I was with it.
With COVID, I’m again wrestling with my own issues of intimacy. The main difference is, in the ’80s and ’90s, a hug and a handshake were on the safe side of activities.
Today, I’m not so sure.
What I do know is that I miss physical community and what I once considered casual intimacy more than I ever thought I would. Prior to moving to the South, I was not a hugger. I slowly became used to it in almost three decades in North Carolina, but it wasn’t my default. And yet, deprived of it for two years, I realized I was asking friends I hadn’t seen except on a Zoom screen whether they were open to a hug or a handshake. Most often, I’ve been grateful to learn, the answer has been yes.
So, in this summer of potential family and classmate and co-worker (and, dare I say it, TNOCS?) gatherings, I’m asking: How comfortable are you with a handshake or a hug?
I think I’m ready again to meet and greet.
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I’m about to get my second booster shot, and I’m all for hugs and handshakes at this point. Still, everyone’s got different concerns and different medical considerations, so everyone handles various situations in their own way.
I was a little nervous to visit Manhattan given the population density, but I recently did so and everything was fine (and I got to see my brother for the first time since late 2019 so it was definitely worth it).
I’ll soon be taking trips to Montreal and Puerto Rico, yet I will be wearing an N95 mask on the plane; trapped in such a tight space with strangers of unknown origin or vaccination…I’d rather not risk getting sick and spoiling my trip!
2x vaxxed and boosted, I take all conventional precautions and I’m always compliant with the rules. That said, with the amount of air travel and interpersonal contact that I’ve had over the past year, I’m astounded that I have not (knowingly) contracted the virus.
I’m generally a”hugger”, so in that regard alone, this whole thing has made for an unfortunate change in how I interact with people.
I would have guessed you for a hugger.
Sometimes, at my peril.
I have to remember that it’s not something that everybody likes. It’s coming from a place of empathy from me, but other people see it as an intrusion, and I have to be careful not to forget that.
Most importantly, you guessed correctly.
At the start of the pandemic, I showed the lovely Ms. Virgindog how some people were greeting each other with foot bumps. First the right foot, then the left. It delighted her so that we still say goodnight with a foot bump before getting into bed.
My parents are throwing a wingding for their 65th wedding anniversary and, even though it’s 1300 miles away, we’ve decided to drive rather than fly. Yes, gas is expensive, but so is flying the two of us and renting a car. So the deciding factors were price and breathing the same air as maskless people on the airplane, even though we’re double vaxxed and double boosted.
Having said that, the anniversary celebration is going to be lousy with relatives who will want to hug. I think I’ll offer a fist bump first and see what happens.
There was a tricky period of readjustment for me when I started moving back to something like normal last year. I had second thoughts about each social engagement but decided it was time to just get on with life again having had both jabs and booster Over here there’s no longer any restrictions but covid keeps coming back in waves and at the moment is on the up. Its difficult and its a personal choice, what is right for one doesn’t necessarily work for another.
I’ve been to gigs, theatre, socialised in packed bars and each time I’ve wondered if this will be the occasion i get covid but so far I seem to have dodged it.
In terms of hugging and handshakes. That’s pretty much gone back to normal. The first time someone offered me a hand was last May, it was someone I know and there was a moment in my brain of thinking this isn’t the done thing anymore but I went with it. A couple of weeks ago at a gig, one of the friends I was with randomly saw someone he knows so we went over to talk to them. I’d never met them before and he offered his hand. Again there was an internal monologue of whether to or not, it was the first handshake I’d had with a stranger since pre-pandemic but I went with it. My thought was that I’ve just spent 3 hours in this packed venue breathing in whatever is in the air so shaking someone’s hand didn’t feel like it was adding to any risk.
Vaccinated and boosted and I still wear a mask in indoor public places though it’s not mandatory. Outdoors I’m usually mask free and loving it. But with our local positivity rate back in the high range, I don’t want to take any chances. Plus I work in public health and it’s important to be a role model. My family and I have been lucky so far considering many people we know have had COVID at least once. Hope to keep our lucky streak rolling! 🍀
Interesting column, Mr. Small.
I’ve never been a hugger or even a kisser on the cheek and I’ve found you can have as much fun dancing solo ( or with Little Dance) in the kitchen as on a crowded dance floor. I’ve always been comfortable being alone, reading a book, watching a DVD or TV show and didn’t miss being in a restaurant.
I did miss the motion picture show experience as that was my go too experience in my youth but have slowly gone to more movies as the years have gone by (My son treated me to the 40th anniverseray of John Carpenter’s “The Thing” the pass weekend).
People I know have been vaxxed, I shake hands with, strangers I fist bump.
I have been aware of how much I wash my hands lately.
I should point out my mother was a maternity ward RNA for 54 years and she wore a mask nine hours a day, five days a week for all that time and never complained. That was what you did as a living.
Sometimes I have no sympathy for the whiners who claim “I have no choice” in the matter. Get over it! We all live together on this world and it’s the only one we have.
When everything went into lock down in 2020, whenever I’d chat with my neighbors on our cul de sac (there’s 6 houses) and we’re checking in on each other, we’d always wind up saying the same thing – nothing’s really changed, I’m just encouraged to stay home now, when previously I actually chose to hang out at home all the time!
Honestly, the unofficial motto of this state should be “we invented social distancing.” I’d listen to my coworkers who live elsewhere in DC Metro talking about the pandemic life we were seeing on TV, and I’d just keep thinking to myself – y’all keep that on the east side of the Blue Ridge Mountains, please and thank you. Obviously it was scary for awhile, especially the first few months considering my spouse checks virtually every ‘high-risk’ box, so I’d be careful every time I’d return home from somewhere and keep our bubble safe. But definitely after a year covid became an afterthought in our community.
I totally understand how apprehensive people remain in higher population areas, and probably with good reason. But I prefer shopping late at night anyway, I like doing stuff on my own or puttering around in my yard, the only change for me was remote working for 2 years. I do try to be mindful the days I do go in to the office now that not everyone feels the same, and be respectful going into conference rooms, visiting people in their cubes, etc. But boy, am I grateful when I get off the train in the evening to drive home to be living where I do. Why, its almost heaven. 😉
To answer your question though Chuck, it’s definitely been fist bumps only at the office since I’ve gone back. But folks around the hometown don’t really think twice anymore, we’ve gone back to shaking hands by default.