Regardless Of Relationship Status: A Valentine’s Day For All

Whatever its origins may have been, Valentine’s Day has traditionally become the domain of couples.

If you’re not in a relationship, you soldier through it or just ignore it, depending on where you are at with being single.

But does it have to be that way?

Around this time of year, my mind sometimes drifts back to a Valentine’s Day in the early 90s, when I was a few years out of college.

My social circle mainly consisted of a young adult prayer group at a Catholic church. There were some couples in the group, but many of us were single. My own situation at the time was somewhat complicated. About a half a year earlier, a friend of mine and I were talking in the church parking lot, and he had told me that he had asked several different women to be his plus-one for an upcoming wedding many of us were attending. He hadn’t had any luck, but he wasn’t giving up.

I had been single since college and had self-sabotaged any chance I had at romance. I wanted to be in a healthier place and meet someone, but I had done nothing about it. Seeing my friend’s determination in the face of repeated rejection inspired me to try something out of character. I too would ask someone to the wedding.

There was a Polish girl that intrigued me. I didn’t know her well, but when talking to her after the meeting, something clicked and I asked for her number.

We ended up talking on the phone for over an hour, and it just felt right, almost as if we had known each other for years. She had a self-awareness that was refreshing to me, and I just naturally related to much of what she was saying. At the end of the conversation, I asked her if she would come to the wedding with me as friends.

She said yes.

After that, we struck up a genuine friendship and spent a good deal of time together. I knew from the beginning that I would like it to be something more, and after a few months, I finally got up the courage to ask her out.

She said no.

At that point, she wasn’t sure if she would be staying in the U.S. or going back to Poland. She said she didn’t want to get involved with me only to have it come to an end if she left the country. I was disappointed, but I also really loved being friends with her, and we kept hanging out together and talking on the phone.

Nevertheless, with Valentine’s Day approaching in just a few days,

I was a single guy with no plans. It occurred to me that many other people I knew would be in the same boat, so an idea popped into my head. Why not have a party that anyone could attend and celebrate Valentine’s Day together as a big group of friends? Why should we be excluded because we didn’t have dates? I was living at home at the time, so I asked my mom if I could host a party. She knew many people in my circle of friends, and our crowd didn’t tend to get out of control.

(Unless you count the time that my sister Marybeth teed off with a golf club inside someone’s apartment….)

…So she felt fine with saying yes to it. With just days to go, I quickly went into action to plan the party, got the word out and hoped for the best.

I was not prepared for what would happen. Not only did pretty much all the single people in the group show up, but several of them brought friends. At least one couple even showed up after their date. In addition, word had gotten out beyond our circle, and people from other young adult groups showed up.

The house was packed.

At one point, my mother was in the kitchen, talking to a bunch of people. She said to the person next to her, “There are a lot of people here. I don’t even know who half of them are. Like, who are they?” she asked as she pointed to a group of people playing cards in the den. The person responded, “Oh, those are my friends.” My mother looked at him and said, “And who are you?”

About an hour in, my friend showed up with three of her girlfriends, all four dressed to the nines. I was happy to see her, but I played it cool and mingled, being that we were “just friends” and I was the party host and all.

Despite my attempts, I still remember exactly what she was wearing:

(a hot little red and white striped dress)

… and I got a kick out of her horrifying a guy by walking away from him without saying a word after he asked her if she gets offended by Polish jokes.

Me being me, I did have one pre-planned activity for the evening and it involved music.

I divided everyone into groups, and I read off lyrics from songs about love, and they had to see how many song titles they could guess right. I don’t remember most of the songs.

But I do recall that “Bus Stop” by The Hollies, “Love Will Find a Way” by Amy Grant, and “Rock and Roll Heart” by Eric Claption were represented.

The party went into the early hours of the morning. I just recall a lot of joy and camaraderie in the house that night. I’m also pretty sure I fell asleep behind a couch for a while, and when I woke up, the same people were on the couch talking. When it was all over, I knew without a doubt that it had been the best party I had ever thrown.

And as for the girl in the red and white striped dress, we continued to be friends and eventually we did start dating.

In 2021, we celebrated 25 years of marriage.

Around Valentine’s Day four years ago, I posted a playlist of songs about love in the comment section of The Number Ones column at stereogum.com, where many of us here met online.

My intent was to provide a soundtrack that wasn’t exclusive to ooey-gooey love songs, but included songs applicable to all different facets of love. So not just the falling in love part, although that is definitely represented, but also songs about the struggles and insecurities of being in a relationship, the gratitude, the fear of love, the fiery passion, the wanting someone that you don’t have, the painful heartaches and the break-ups.

In other words:

“Love’s Ups and Downs (and everything in between)”

Some of you have seen the list, but I’m going to post it here today, in the spirit of celebrating a day of love no matter where we at in life and relationships, similar to that party those many years ago. Plus, these are some of my favorite songs, and I love sharing them with everyone.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all!

Let the author know that you liked their article with a “Green Thumb” Upvote! 

Views: 100