It’s hard to believe that it’s been five years.
60 months since a terrible worldwide affliction spread across the planet. If only temporarily so, a disease with a clinical sounding name: SARS-CoV-2, changed just about everything:
From the way we worked,
… to how we socialized,
… to the way we hoarded common items as if they were gold bullion.
The pandemic had some truly strange consequences.
While it was undoubtably a difficult time, the early 2020’s pestilence brought about some weird and unpredicted phenomena. Here’s a look at some of the stranger side effects of the COVID-19 era.
The Great Sourdough Awakening
Why did we all collectively decide that the answer to global uncertainty was making bread? No one knows. But suddenly, everyone was naming their sourdough starters.
“Yeastie Boys” was a personal favorite.
People who had never previously powered up an Easy-Bake Oven suddenly became whisk-wielding beasts:
Behaving as if they they were competing on some kind of a weird, social-experiment-meets-reality-baking reality show.
Some even formed emotional attachments to their starter, mourning its loss when it inevitably died due to neglect or over-fermentation.
Who knew kitchen drama could be so… yeasty?
Google Trends reported a 400% increase in searches for “sourdough starter recipe” between March and April 2020, proving that our collective, panicked response had a carbohydatic basis. And yes, I totally made up the word “carbohydatic.” Back in 2020, as a matter of fact. That time that my beloved sourdough starter “Jane Dough” bit the yeasty dust.
It was a time when King Arthur Flour saw a 2000% increase in demand, leading to widespread shortages. And speaking of shortages:
The Toilet Paper Hoarding Olympics
Be honest, now:
Aside from an irrational disdain for the Charmin Bears, really, – how often do you think about toilet paper?
The answer, at least if we’re talking about five years ago, was, “oh, quite a bit.“
Of all the things people panic-bought, toilet paper reigned supreme. Store shelves were… wait for it… wiped clean. Aspiring to be the local OG CEO of TP became a very real, and very anxiety-inducing thing. According to Nielsen data, U.S. toilet paper sales jumped 845% in one week in March 2020, leading to empty shelve everywhere.
Resourceful people resorted to creative alternatives. Like coffee filters and paper towels. And yes, I concur; that’s quite enough imagery, thank you, and I absolutely am going to stop right there.
WC TMI, as it were.
Somewhere, I am convinced: there is a Doomsday Prepper who is still sitting on a lifetime supply of Angel Soft Two-Ply.
Parrots Learned to Swear (Even More Than Usual)
With cranky and frustrated people stuck at home all day for months, it’s just human nature that folks would be a little looser with the tongue.
A surplus of curse words was bound to accrue, and bound to fly.
In an unexpectedly naughty way, many pet parrots had their vocabularies expanded, And apparently, over at the zoo, their bird-brethren joined in the Polly-potty-beaked fun. In the interest of avian solidarity, we are sure.
In England, the Lincolnshire Wildlife Park confirmed that an entire aviary of foul-mouthed birds had to be removed from public display after repeatedly swearing at visitors.
Some owners even claimed their parrots picked up on household arguments, blurting out phrases like “Not now, Karen!” and “Turn off the news, Bob!” – at highly inappropriate times.
Attempts, Fails (And Occasional Hilarity) While Conducting “Serious Business” Virtually
There are many examples – quite sad ones – of people trying to live life as normally as possible during the sequestration phase of the pandemic.
Trying to attend school on camera?
Or go on a lame COVID-19 version of a “date?” Noble efforts, for sure, but still sad. On the other hand:
Watching a Texas lawyer who accidentally turned on a cat filter during a Zoom court session?
I’m dying. I think my favorite part was when he had to clarify to the judge with all sincerity, “I am not a cat.” This moment summed up the entire Zoom era – technical failure, awkward laughter, and sheer confusion wrapped into one purr-fectly chaotic package.
The lawyer, Rod Ponton, later told BBC News that he had to call his secretary for help because he couldn’t figure out how to remove the filter himself.
And looking at the poor guy? I completely believe him.
It’s Friday. You deserve a laugh:
DIY Haircuts Gone Wrong
I have vivid memories as a seven-year-old, being taunted at school every other Monday morning.
This was because every other Sunday night, my ever-thrift conscious mother would break out the trusty Wahl Model TS, and give me a truly horrid haircut.
Fast forwarding to the early 2020s, the horror of bad hair days was reborn. With salons closed, people took matters (and scissors) into their own hands. Many regretted it. Oddly coiffed bangs, uneven buzz cuts, failed mullets…
… and whatever this poor soul has done to himself made an unfortunate resurgence.
According to a survey by YouGov, 22% of Americans attempted a DIY haircut during lockdown, with a significant portion admitting they “completely messed it up.” Google reported a 417% spike in searches for “how to fix a bad haircut” by mid-2020, showing just how many people learned the hard way.
The Rise Of Foul Breath
The decline in in-person interactions during the pandemic led to an unexpected drop in sales of breath mints and gum, as fresh breath became less of a concern.
Hershey, a major producer of these products, reported a significant decrease in demand, highlighting how social behaviors directly impact consumer habits.
With fewer face-to-face meetings, masked outings, and remote work becoming the norm, many people deprioritized oral freshness. Even as normalcy returned, the demand for breath-freshening products never fully recovered.
And so, here we are after five years.
I continue to hold out hope that the world has learned lessons from the pandemic. On my best days, I remain skeptical.
But somehow, remembering that daily life was reshaped in ways both profound and peculiar is oddly comforting.
In a roundabout way, it confirms that when necessary, most people will find a way to rally.
They are the ones that will adapt, adjust, and help each other.
Just don’t get me started on how I spent some of my “COVID-time.”
I’m still mad at myself for not learning a new language:
And instead, watching the entirety of Tiger King.
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Good luck back, mt. For me, that time was marked primarily by the weirdness of one-by-one graduations in our school auditorium (counselor and principal masked, parents in the back row, someone working “Pomp and Circumstance” on the sound system, as graduates’ names were announced one by one. Each walked to the front of the auditorium across the stage, received their diploma from us, and walked back out, with parents, before the next one came down.
Graduation took two days.
That, and the deer came back out through our neighborhoods. With no one out driving, the wildlife realized they had the world to themselves again, if only for a short time.
Looking back, I’m amazed at the toilet paper/paper towel “run” that we, as a society, participated in. I know that Mrs. Carto and I stood in long lines at Target at least a couple of times for seemingly scarce paper goods. It boggles the mind!
The major thing that changed for me, now that things are kinda back to normal, is that I’m not in the office five days a week. I’m only there on Mondays and Tuesdays. That’s several hours a week that I’m not commuting, which means less stress, not to mention the money I’m saving on gasoline and shaving cream.
3 days a week in the office here. Man, it really changed my outlook on work life. The other major thing from the pandemic was being stuck at home, I realized how many home improvements I needed to make if I wanted to safe and comfortable. That led to me prioritizing what I needed to get done and when and how to afford it and has made me more financially responsible in the process. So that’s the one big benefit I can say about the pandemic. That and that it’s thankfully over with for now.
One benefit of being follicly challenged, no worries about lockdown haircuts for me.
We reacted to lockdown by implementing Ice Cream Wednesdays, a tradition that carries on today.
It also had a positive effect on our family holiday in the summer of 2020. Stayed in an area of England called The Cotswolds. Visited Blenheim Palace (family home of Winston Churchill), Stonehenge, theme parks and zoos. Normally these places would be besieged by tourists, especially over summer. Restrictions meant limited numbers and having to book well in advance which was no problem for organised people like us. Got to take them all in, in relative peace and quiet, free from the usual crowds.
Given everything else that was going on we took the positives where we could.
I don’t have great memories of Covid. My mother was in assisted living with dementia and we couldn’t see her. She got Covid twice and survived it but it took its toll on her the second time. She didn’t die from it, but it may have factored in. My aunt was in the same facility and got Covid and survived it but was never the same after that. She died within a year. Working for church was difficult, and many things about what we do had to stop. We took a bad hit, as many churches did, and are just beginning to recover. All of the schools in our diocese had to stay open in the fall of 2020 and my daughter attended the school at the church I work for, so she didn’t have to do remote learning. Others were not so lucky, so I am grateful for that. I personally saw the effects it had on kids who had no physical contact with the outside world and it did a lot of damage. I don’t disagree with the lockdown. Not at all. But I do recognize the long term effects those years have had, There were good moments and blessings that came out of them too, but its hard for me to think about those days, to be honest.