“Hello? Gary?
“Gary? Can you see me?”
“Do you know how to unmute? And turn on your camera?”
“I’m an IT guy. I think I can handle it.”
“OK… Oh, look! There you are… Thanks for accepting the invite. Whoa… uh, that’s quite a headset!”
“It was a Christmas present.”
“I have to wear it at least once.”
“Sure. Great. So adorable. Interesting choice for an interview-“
“Wait – what? Is that why you’re Zooming me?”
“Sure is. Sorry for the surprise, but we wanted to reach out: We have a fantastic opportunity for a seasoned pro like you. We have seen your work over at that little website. The one where, in spite of the weird management, you somehow manage to provide tech support…“
It’s fairly obscure… What’s it called again?”
“It’s called tnocs.com.”
“Yeah, that’s it. We somehow couldn’t remember. Heh. Not exactly a household name, is it?“
“Hey, now, wait a min-”
“It’s fine. Don’t be ashamed. We’ve all had to do our share of charity grunt-work, now and then.”
“Anyway, we’ve done our research on you…”
“And we’re going to get right to the point: What would you say if we offered to triple whatever you make over at Tin Knockers?”
“It’s ‘tnocs.’ And I’d say that triple of ‘next-to-nothing,’ is still ‘next-to-zero.’ “
“EXACTLY my point. This is a tough business, bubbie. And you need to be someplace where your talents are appreciated.”
“Um, it’s not like that. I think that they do appre-“
“Just think about what you could do for yourself:”
“No more slogging the days away in a dingy attic…”
“Being able to keep things running with something better that a duct-tape-and-chewing-gum budget…”
“… not having to deploy obsolete, 25 year-old equipment…”
“I know. You don’t have to tell me. It’s a little rough around the edges, for sure. But let’s just say that there’s something here that makes me feel at home.”
“So, no: no, thank you: I’ll be staying where I am.”
“Look, kid, I’m going to be painfully blunt, here. You’re going nowhere if you stay where you are. Use your head. Think of what you could have:
“A better place to live. Without needing six roommates.”
“An actual functioning vehicle.”
“A little student loan debt-relief?”
“And don’t take this the wrong way… but maybe even enough left over every week for a gym membership. You know: A little glow-up…”
“… So you could go out on an actual date…”
“C’mon, Gary. Tick, tick. You have to at least listen to my off-“
“A little unfair to go all A.I. on me, there. But no, thank you. I’m not interested. Look, I’m slammed – I’m going to be late for a meeting about the Year-End Review. We want it ready for the weekend and New Year’s Eve. I really have to go now.”
“Not smart, kiddo. Not smart at all. Suit yourself.”
But: At least give me the professional courtesy of explaining why you won’t even consider coming to work for us.”
“I did some research of my own:”
“Section 43 of your standard contract?”
“That’s a show-stopper for me. Thanks anyway. Good luck.”
{click}
Gary, where have you been?
You left without saying goodbye. I was worried.
“We promised that we’d have the 2023 year-end wrap up ready for the weekend! You have a lot of graphics and articles to repost! But don’t worry – I’ll help!”
“Sorry. Something came up.”
“I’ll be there in a minute; I just have to put something in the shredder.”
“OK. I’m ready. Let’s get to work. And, oh, Goodboy?”
“Thank you for the nice cat headphones.”
“The clarity they provide is amazing.”
to be continued this weekend…
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I’m looking forward to it, but this is a complete story all by itself. Perfect.
Awwww, we wuvs you too, Gary. 😊
Re: Pronunciation of “tnocs”
I always took it as like a Vulcan name, T’Nocs, with “nocs” rhyming with “socs” from The Outsiders. I imagine few others say it that way.
T’Pau thanks you, from their Heart and Soul.
Sorry.
Every mention of T’Pau for the past 30 years automatically goes to this clip for me….
https://youtu.be/mpqgRhV7D68?si=bmKYj9bHkizO00jN
30 years may have passed but I still laugh out loud at B&B clips!
I thought it was an acronym before the Love Actually homage video.
With a team like Gary and Goodboy, how can we lose?
Looking forward to more…
Goodboy, I know you were looking forward to a lap of luxury. You’re much cuter than the Queen’s vacating corgis. I’m sorry the audition didn’t go well. When you called Lissy a fine bitch, we know you were paying the Cocker Spaniel a compliment, but you have to remember, the rich are different from you and me. You’re not supposed to initiate the conversation. There is a protocol. You talk only when you’re addressed. Also, peeing in the tulip bed was a major faux pas.
I must say. You’re aging exceptionally well. You look exactly the same from the first day I met you. You’re a good boy, Goodboy.
Gary and Goodboy are a team for the ages. Can’t wait for the rest.
Thanks to Gary for keeping us online with just that state of the art iMac (if that art is a fading graffiti’d scrawl round the back of the piblic conveniences) and to Goodboy for all your support in fetching balls, guarding the cookie jar and generally looking cute.
I had a feeling this site would eventually go to the dogs. Goodboy, that is, not you Gary.
Semi-ethical staffing solutions since 2019 😂
Dear Lord, AI-makeover Gary will haunt my sleep.
Don’t ever change, Gary. We love you (and Goodboy) just the way you are.
(Addendum: Having seen Part Deux, I will accept that wardrobe change.)
Addendum to your addendum: A rendering error blocked a proper shoutout to @Aaron3000 ‘s article contributions for 2023. Fixed with my apologies.
Aw shucks… To be honest though, that was actually from 2022 (time does fly). Serves as a reminder that I’m way overdue for another submission, I’ve got a couple ideas if I could just get my butt in gear and write. 😊